Stick in the Eye
The day was coming to an end, but the task at hand seemed to be growing. I stood in the unfinished garage of an in construction house ready to finish up the gas line, put it under pressure and make sure it didn’t leak. I had until 6 o’clock to finish this goal, because in Happy Valley they don’t allow construction work past 6. I guess they are trying to keep the valley happy.
I grab my hammer to start working and as I begin swinging, I feel a prick drive itself into my palm and I throw the hammer down. I look at my palm and see a bee digging into my palm trying viscously to claim the handle of my hammer as it’s territory and not mine. I throw the bee to the ground and stomp it with a vengeance, ticked that now my hand is beginning to throb, knowing this will effect the speed at which I can finish my task and the realizing the clock continues to tick towards 6.
It is 2 oclock when I bust my sawzall out to cut some holes for the gas pipe. I have only 4 hours to do about 6 hours of work and it is only my 3rd week on the job and my first gas line I have done. I begin to cut holes above my head and the wood chips start flying. The barrage of sawdust meets my face and a chunk, or log no one can be sure, lodges itself in my eye. My eyelid clamps down and I spend the next couple minutes trying to get it out, realizing the clock continues to tick despite my lack of forward momentum.
My mindset continues to become more driven and I build on thoughts of, “I just need to man up and get this done,” “I need to work faster, I need to be better.”
I continue to work harder, the sweat begins to pour and my eye worsens because of the various scratches I have accumulated from that stupid chunk of wood. My left eye’s vision begins to blur and it becomes painful to keep it open. I jump in the crawl space to continue the job, and I come out wet and dirty. I try to get the needed parts, but of course I don’t have what I need. HOLY CRAP, This is never going to work.
“I need to work faster.” “I need to man up and work harder.”
It beginning to get dark and I am trying to cut holes with my cordless drill and the batteries continue to die before I can finish a hole. As all the other workers from various companies are packing up and leaving, I am trying to install gas piping with one hand over my eye and the other hand trying to tighten the pipes. My nose starts to run in copious amounts and I remember that my sinuses are connected so my nose is just joining the party my eye is putting on.
I am breathing harder and trying to walk faster and move faster but it just means I have more mistakes.
“Work harder.” “Do better.”
“Be better. You can do this you just have to do better.”
I begin to start freaking out as I walk into the house and stop for a moment realizing my complete inadequacy and my mind goes to my Creator and Sustainer.
“I can’t do anything without you sustaining me and empowering me can I?”
“You are the one that keeps me going and only by your power can I do anything.”
I had quite an epiphany at this moment. I was sweating, breathing hard, in a fair amount of discomfort and pain and I realized that I am worthless and useless outside of God’s sustaining of me. The only reason I am still breathing is because God is making it so. The only reason I can work at all is because God gives me the power. The only reason I can think about how miserable all of this is, is because God made it so. God is powerful. I am not. God enables. I need to be enabled.
I stood there with a pipe wrench in my hand and breathed. In and out. In and out. With every breath I remember that God is the one holding up my existence and ability and I aside from Him I can do nothing.
I stood there for a moment. I realized my weakness and inability and the fact that the job would not get done. I realized that God empowers me and I was pumped to remember that fact. I worked as long as I could, packed up and drove my truck towards the setting sun. Incomplete in task, more complete in my understanding of reality.
For the Curious, my eye was pretty jacked up the rest of the evening. I was functionally blind. I tried to hang out with a buddy, but basically sat in the dark, ate food and left. I went home and to Bed at 8:49 and God sustained my body and my eye was healed the next morning. Praise God.
I was listening to the sound of the teacher teaching at re:Generation and also the sound of Sigur Ros and Christopher Parkening. Wonderful writing material.
