Well, I am sorry. I start writing my blog again and possibly create some interest in it and then stop writing for a while. Sorry peeps.
I started writing a couple times but all of my musings revolved around me being uncomfortable or in not ideal situations and could have been taken as complaining and may have even been complaining so I decided not to post them.
But here are my current thoughts. I am learning life and it is hard. By learning I mean experiencing and not just cognitively knowing. And by life I mean the day to day, week to week, month to month activities that America, if not the rest of the world, goes through on a continual basis. And by hard I mean hard, difficult, stress producing, and cumbersome.
Life is the bills, and the daily job, the getting up early and the going to bed probably to late, the preparing lunch and the procrastinating of dinner, the constant choice between my crappy sandwich and eating the fast food my coworker is eating. It is the not being close to friends like I was in college and the wishing I had more. It is the fighting to go read and it is the fighting of the laziness that says, “Just watch a movie.” It is the finding time to read the Book and the fight to make sure I am not doing it for religion sake. It is all of these things and all the ones I missed. It is those things you didn’t think about and the ones you know I didn’t know about.
I have been living life now for about 23 years, but it has been only recently that I have jumped into the pool of adult responsibility on my own accord and desire. I jumped in wanting to carry the backpack of responsibility and learn what it is to live the day to day just like everyone else. I keep using the language of “learning” for two reasons. One is that I am a young guy and haven’t held all of the adult responsibility on my back and realize that being in school, though difficult and stressful, is really pretty easy and does not teach us how to pay our bills, not spend to much money, and live without roommates who have your back whether you want it or not.
Secondly, I say learn because I have always felt a calling towards career “ministry”, I say ministry lightly because of the negative connotations it has for many people. I sense that in the future I will be either a pastor or church planter, which is also a pastor, or pastor-elder or someone heavily involved in his local church training, teaching, challenging, encouraging, leading people to love Jesus and let Him pull them out of the mess they sit in. And I realize that before I can relate to people and understand how to best lead or challenge them, I have to “learn” the life they live.
Enter current stage of life.
I have to work the crappy job for not enough money, I have to make sure I can pay the bills on time, I have to find a church and get involved with a community even though it is difficult and it can be uncomfortable, I have to make my own meals even when I am tired and sitting on the couch is so much easier, I have to live the weekends after a tiring week, I have to experience the lack of work in the slow times and the stress of “What if?” and I have to experience the abundance of work in the crazy times and the stress of “Let me rest.” I have to guard the rest and make time for fellowship. And the hardest of all, let the Ghost work in me to make all of this worship to the Trinity.
I keep writing, “have”, but in reality it is a big giant “I am allowed” or “counted worthy.” I get to work a normal job, I get to pay the normal bills, FOR THE KING. I have been counted worthy to work the overtime and experience the lack of work FOR THE KING. It is all grace that I am still even breathing and I thank the Lord that I can serve Him in whatever capacity He places me and I thank Him again that He changed my heart to realize that it is all grace.
So that is the current. I am learning life and learning that it is hard. I keep reading books and the Book and I keep learning the Gospel and how it applies to everything. And I hope the same for you.
For the Curious, I was listening to the conversations and the lack thereof in the local Starbucks (Sorry, Stumptown lovers.)